Feeding Time

F's Sausage 'n' Pasta

Ingredients

2-3 frankfurter-style sausages, chopped into bite-sized pieces
1 medium onion, chopped or sliced
Olive oil for frying
2 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
2 mushrooms, finely diced
1 carton of chopped tomatoes (390g or similar)
2 tbsp white wine (there's a kind in Sweden that's for cooking and has no alcohol in it, but whatever)
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp smoked paprika
1 vegetable stock cube
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 dl hot water
1/2 can of sweetcorn (about 75g)
Pasta, as much as you like

Method

1. Put Peppa Pig on.
2. Take F back into the sitting room to watch Peppa Pig.
3. Fry the onions until soft in a large pan over a medium heat.
4. Repeat step 2.
5. Add the sausages (really any kind of sausage would do, I think) and continue to fry until they've gone good and brown. Or until you need to repeat step 2 again. Or until you need to explain to F why hot things mustn't be touched.
6. Add the garlic and mushrooms, fry a little longer whilst stirring.
7. Put the water in a little jug and mix in the stock cube. If you've just discovered the mushrooms in the fridge have sprouted white hair, as I did this morning, you can crumble in some dried mushrooms too. Chanterelles are good.
8. Remove the glass tumbler you left on your desk last night from F's possession and explain why crying isn't going to get it back.
9. To the pan, add the chopped tomatoes, white wine, vinegar, thyme, oregano and paprika. Once this is boiling, which won't take long, stir in the tomato paste and the stock.
10. Pick F up, show her what you're cooking, explain it isn't ready yet and repeat step 2.
11. While you're repeating step 2, change the channel, because PP's theme song is probably giving you what feels like a brain tumour by now.
12. Reduce the sauce for at least ten minutes, until it's got a nice syrupy gloss to it. You can cook the pasta at the same time, depending on how long your pasta takes. Fusili and penne work well. You can also change nappies or remember that there are no clean toddler tumblers to hand and do some washing up.
13. Just before serving, stir in the sweetcorn. F doesn't like it cooked, nor do I.
14. Be aware as you serve that there is now at least one stuffed toy placed somewhere near your feet.
15. Pour the sauce over the pasta, slice some fresh cucumber or salady stuff to go with it, em-bib F and lay the table. By the time you've done that, it'll be cool enough to eat.

Serves 2 with at least one portion for leftovers, probably more if I didn't eat such large helpings. So probably 4 overall. For the complete experience, F suggests holding a fork in one hand and taking 45 minutes to pick out and eat individual corn niblets with the other.

And you should of course be wearing your new white cotton dress, because tomatoes.