Premonitions

Meeting other people's kids is always interesting. Even more so when you become a parent. I find myself doubly nosy, not just to see what combination of noses, ears and so forth has been inherited, but now to learn as many parenting tips as I possibly can whilst simultaneously indulging in smug moments of thinking 'well I'll never do that'. Smug and doubtlessly short-sighted.

I remember thinking that I'd never inflict my giant baby carriage on an unwilling coffee shop. Also that people who start rabbiting on about being a new parent as though it's a new religion they want to recruit you into should be shot into space from a giant cannon. This entire blog is a jolly piece of blatant hypocrisy in that regard, of course, I love being a parent and want to share that feeling. I hope I'm not being too rosily evangelical, though. Yes, becoming a parent knocks the scales from your eyes and casts your entire life in a new perspective. I'm also exactly the same sarky arse I've always been. If I occasionally speak like a cult convert, it's because I'm heavily sleep-deprived.

Anyway - we've had F's little cousin staying round the house for a few days. This has been good not only for parental kibbutzing, but also to get a glimpse of what our life may be like in a year or so. Having people with kids to stay is another new experience for me, I've previously only entertained for an afternoon or less. I've seen firsthand examples of how to bribe or cajole infants into eating properly (feed them remotely from inside a blank cubic space with no distracting influences, as I understand), but a full day gives insight into sleep cycles and the establishment thereof.

What have I learnt?

1. Don't expect a quick bedding down if Aunty R is next door dancing to the soundtrack of Mamma Mia
2. In a pinch, CD cases can make great cymbals to accompany said dancing
3. Once sleep is established, you can get away with watching Team America so long as you're willing to replace the entire final 'dicks and assholes' speech with Thank You For The Music at short notice. Not Parker and Stone's original intention, I'm sure, but still very watchable.

I think my brother, whose wife is expecting a second, also got a lot of insight into his future - seeing me trying to balance F in her Baby Björn with one arm whilst helping Cousin S down a steep flight of stairs with the other, for example, or listening with glee as his supposedly-sleeping daughter responded to F's evening yells by delightedly identifying who was screaming. As futures go, it must look pretty tempting.

F is also using her cousin as a crystal ball, soaking up tips on walking, talking, not eating fish fingers and trying on grown-up shoes. Mind you, she was also fascinated to watch Aunty R and Uncle P do the washing up. Fingers crossed, that one sticks quickly.