Again with the eels

A late review from a local paper makes specific mention of me, in very positive terms. One of those that mentions everything that they liked about the play, and then starts a new paragraph with something like 'but it is James Hogg as Roger who... etc etc'.

"There you go," one of my colleagues says, who's read this blog post. "Surely that counts as a 'towering genius of the modern stage' remark?"

No, of course not, it's made of bitey snapping eels just like all the others. What's that? Would you like a compliment, Mr Hogg? Why no! Of course not. I'd like to pick holes in it and find ways of reducing it to a meaningless statement that's really talking about the writer instead. Or feel angry that the rest of the cast haven't been singled out as well when they deserve it just as much. If not more! And goddamn it, I know Oscars are for film work, but why they hell haven't they included mine in this review?

We watched the film Hitchcock the other day. There was a very good line in that when Hitchcock bemoans the fact that the film industry never gives him any appreciation. I can't find the exact quote, sadly, but it's a great film and worth seeing. Do that rather than waiting for me to find the right webpage to lift it from. Along the lines that nobody ever comes out and says 'well done, you're really good,' in so many words.

You kind of expect that they probably did, that they did it via the medium of giving him lucrative film deals, valuable opportunities and their support and time as he experimented on new stuff. And you know, reviews and audience reactions and so on. Isn't that enough?

Yes and no. It ought to be, I know that, but that's a rational belief. We're all still beholden to that personal voice inside that can't quite believe or trust any of the external reviews, good or bad. You want it on a mark sheet, or from some kind of combination auditor/evaluator representing your family, friends, all your peers and your own internal figurehead of self-worth, whatever that may be.

And even then, it's likely only going to be valid on the day you get it. Tomorrow always has it's own doubting demons to be dealt with. Which is good, otherwise there wouldn't be a challenge worth waking up to face.