Which? Mattress - Baby's Choice

	Traditional Mattress	Daddy Mattress
Basic Features	Wide selection of Cores Wide selection of Colours Wide selection of Sizes Wide selection of Materials Easily replacable	Basically just one model plus you’re stuck with it for life
Stabilization	Broadly good, although variable from mattress to mattress	Broadly good, although can decrease with excessive usage. The balance of your Daddy is affected by sleep deprivation, dehydration and other complex emotional factors, and care by one of our licensed professionals (Mummy) is advised Prone to infuriating shifts in position when you didn’t ask for them, although responds well to corrections through the medium of shrieking
Claimed vs Measured Firmness	Depends largely on the brand, filling and price range, but usually pretty close to model  specifications as stated in stores	Generally lags behind model specifications as stated in clothing stores, online database descriptions, etc
Ease of Movement	For the average two-month-old baby, extremely poor	All-Terrain coverage on 4-limb drive Multiple speeds Can be easily summoned to your location through amazing new ScreamResponse technology
Warmth	Very dependent on local climate	Self-heating, plus monitors your body temperature and can adjust your clothing as appropriate
Responsiveness	Extremely limited Generally immune to criticism or physical violence	Incredibly adaptable, will move to support your every weird pose, including random position shifts accompanied by heart-rending howling at 0330 In-built entertainment system, includes yankable ears and hair, endless supply of nonsense speech and suckable digits, plus can import favourite toys and games on demand Monitors your health and can fetch medical attention or, better still, Mummy at a moment’s notice Surprisingly tolerant of physical shocks. In later life, prone to anxiety or regret unless occasionally reassured that he remains useful and loved
Durability	Will need flipping or rotating every few months Highly absorbent of fluids Some symptoms of a broken or worn-out mattress include visible permanent sagging or deformity, lumpiness, excessive squeaking and springs that can be felt poking through the upholstery layer Depending on the foundation and core materials, your mattress can last you 7-10 years	Responds poorly to flipping, rotation may cause dizziness Poorly absorbent of fluids, but basically self-cleaning so not a big problem Some symptoms of a broken or worn-out Daddy Mattress include visible permanent sagging or deformity, lumpiness, excessive weeping and neuroses that can be detected poking through the smiling exterior Lifetime guarantee, although may become void when you start bringing your own partners home to sleep